1. The Epitome of High FashionIf by “high fashion” you mean “things you would only wear while high.”
2. A Place for True Beliebers to Plant Their FanniesThere’s absolutely no reason for this to ever exist, but now that it does, we want one.
3. The College ExperienceA drinking game that involves puking? Imagine that.
4. The Most Relatable Book Ever WrittenHe makes a good point.
5. The Illicit Substance HideawayBecause the last place your friends will ever think to look for your pot is in the cocaine jar.
6. Nazi PropagandaThere’s nothing quite like teaching children good, strong values.
7. Homoerotic InnuendosWith a heaping side of bestiality
8. Books for People with a Potassium FetishThe Bluths would be proud.
9. Books That Are Terribly Not Self-AwareThis is what cool looks like in the year Never.
10. A Muscle Shirt to Increase Your White Trash CredA great wedding gift for that friend who knocked up his date at prom.
11. Bill Cosby’s Message to the Youth of 1971Skoo-biddily bop away from drugs before you skeep-boodilly boo.
12. De Nyew Testament, MonPraise Jedus!
13. A Mural of Jedus and His Homies to Go with ItCirca 1975
14. Toys for Disturbed ChildrenImpalement has never been so affordable!
15. A Shirt You Won’t Wear in Front of Your MomUnless your mom is into that kind of thing.
16. A Shirt to Celebrate Your Own VirginityMay the Force be with you, because the ability to get laid clearly isn’t.
17. A Halloween Costume for the Perpetually HornyAll the ladies will get a rise out of you!
18. A Book for the Teenage Cannibal in Your FamilyDon’t worry, it’s probably just a phase.
19. And a Tape for the Cannibal TweenBecause, as any psychologist will tell you, cannibalism is one of the common stages of childhood rebellion.
20. A (Canine) Family PortraitPreviously hung in the Taco Bell chihuahua’s study.
21. A Stuffed Bear Who Wants to Show You His WilliePeek-a-boo!
As you can see, thrift stores aren’t just for those who are a bit down on their luck; they’re also for people with poor taste, parents who aren’t all that concerned with how their kids are going to turn out, and devotees of a new religion based on the teachings of Jedus. Now THAT sounds like a party!