21 Greatest Thrift Store Finds

Thrift stores are like treasure troves for both the unemployed, and hipsters who want to make an ironic fashion statement despite the fact that their parents make six figures. There’s an immeasurable wealth of ugly sweaters, ties with cats on them, and woolen socks to be had for those willing to throw down a buck or two. But there are other things to be found besides just pairs of pants that you’ll need to wash three or four times before you wear them. Things like...

1. The Epitome of High Fashion

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If by “high fashion” you mean “things you would only wear while high.”

2. A Place for True Beliebers to Plant Their Fannies

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There’s absolutely no reason for this to ever exist, but now that it does, we want one.

3. The College Experience

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A drinking game that involves puking? Imagine that.

4. The Most Relatable Book Ever Written

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He makes a good point.

5. The Illicit Substance Hideaway

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Because the last place your friends will ever think to look for your pot is in the cocaine jar.

6. Nazi Propaganda

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There’s nothing quite like teaching children good, strong values.

7. Homoerotic Innuendos

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With a heaping side of bestiality

8. Books for People with a Potassium Fetish

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The Bluths would be proud.

9. Books That Are Terribly Not Self-Aware

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This is what cool looks like in the year Never.

10. A Muscle Shirt to Increase Your White Trash Cred

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A great wedding gift for that friend who knocked up his date at prom.

11. Bill Cosby’s Message to the Youth of 1971

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Skoo-biddily bop away from drugs before you skeep-boodilly boo.

12. De Nyew Testament, Mon

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Praise Jedus!

13. A Mural of Jedus and His Homies to Go with It

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Circa 1975

14. Toys for Disturbed Children

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Impalement has never been so affordable!

15. A Shirt You Won’t Wear in Front of Your Mom

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Unless your mom is into that kind of thing.

16. A Shirt to Celebrate Your Own Virginity

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May the Force be with you, because the ability to get laid clearly isn’t.

17. A Halloween Costume for the Perpetually Horny

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All the ladies will get a rise out of you!

18. A Book for the Teenage Cannibal in Your Family

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Don’t worry, it’s probably just a phase.

19. And a Tape for the Cannibal Tween

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Because, as any psychologist will tell you, cannibalism is one of the common stages of childhood rebellion.

20. A (Canine) Family Portrait

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Previously hung in the Taco Bell chihuahua’s study.

21. A Stuffed Bear Who Wants to Show You His Willie

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As you can see, thrift stores aren’t just for those who are a bit down on their luck; they’re also for people with poor taste, parents who aren’t all that concerned with how their kids are going to turn out, and devotees of a new religion based on the teachings of Jedus. Now THAT sounds like a party!