31 Things You'll Only Discover Once You Have Children Of Your Own
Updated Jan. 18 2019, 3:37 p.m. ET
Everyone knows that having children is a huge responsibility and it changes your life in ways that you can't imagine.
Now it's easy to understand this statement but to experience the "unimaginable", as any parent will tell you, is what makes the above-statement a universal truth.
There's just no way you'll ever know what it's like to have children until you have them yourself. Babysitting for a day or two doesn't count. Having pets doesn't count, either. But being responsible for a human life, and all of its ups and downs is a trip. And like any life-changing experience, it's going to teach you a few things.
1. Sleep no more.
The art of slumber, as you know it, will be forever changed. Transitioning babies or toddlers from sleeping in the same room as you to having their own bed is a herculean task. Many kids fight sleep like it's the plague too and not because they're trying to spite you - just because they are so in love with you and life that they don't want to miss a thing. It's hard to be mad at them for it, which turns sleep time into a guilt-ridden affair. Your sleep cycle will be changed - forever.
2. It forces you to get creative.
You'll come up with methods of keeping your sanity, while keeping your kids entertained, that you would have never dreamt up of while you were blissfully ignorant to the joys of parenting.
3. Your capacity for dealing with grossness.
It will be tested and you'll be surprised with how much you'll put up with simply because you have no choice but to put up with it.
4. You now know what true "loudness" is.
The screams of your offspring demanding food or that you play the same "ABC Phonics" song for the fourteenth time in a row is louder than any death metal concert you went to back when you actually had a social life.
5. Toddlers are surprisingly durable.
Kids wiping out is a common occurrence. Their ability to shrug off slips and falls is entirely contingent on your reaction to them. Keep a watchful eye, but you'll be surprised just how persistent they are.
6. Your conflict-resolution skills will excel.
Graduating from one to multiple children is a crazy transition. You'll find clever ways to quell the inevitable squabbles that arise between these growing bags of hormones trying to find their place in the world.
7. It truly does take a village to raise a child.
And yes, that includes the village dog.
8. Mothers are basically wizards.
The ability to feed/nourish a baby, which simultaneously helps them to lose baby weight and calm them will make a father feel inadequate and come up with all sorts of ways to try and keep up in the quest of raising a healthy child.
9. Kids are always better at cosplay.
Always.
10. You can get children to believe pretty much anything.
From the Tooth Fairy to the Easter Bunny, to the belief that hard work and honesty always pays off!
11. Your attitude towards food dos and don'ts will change forever.
After changing a few thousand poopy diapers, picking up food dropped from the floor is a perfectly fine practice.
12. Your activities become their activities...
...until they're old enough to know better and think for themselves, of course.
13. Every kid after the first kid doesn't get coddled anywhere near as much.
Sorry, but the "figuring out" phase is over and parents realize rather quickly that being a human helicopter just isn't necessary.
14. They put blind trust in you.
Don't abuse that power, because it is power, make no mistake.
15. They have the innate ability to make you prouder than anything you've ever accomplished, personally, in your life.
Watch them learn how to ride a bike for the first time or hit a sick drift like this little girl here and your heart will swell with pride.
16. They come up with inventive ways for you to get them things.
It's really difficult to say no when they put so much effort into something.
17. You realize that dreaming of another kid is a bout of temporary insanity.
Despite knowing it's a terrible idea, you still want to do it anyway.
18. You feel bad for relishing the "I told you so" moments.
You see what happens?
19. You come up with creative ways of relieving breast milk pressure build-up.
It's not a pleasant feeling, any mom will tell you.
20. You'll never take some peace and quiet for granted again.
It's everything.
21. If it seems too good to be true, it usually is.
"It's quiet, a little too quiet."
22. Seriously, kids hate sleep.
It's a universal truth.
23. Stop, no, it's not.
It really isn't.
24. A day of fun feels like you went through a Navy Seals program.
Nothing is more tiring.
25. You inevitably start to phone things in.
Sorry, second and so on children.
26. It's like a miniature vacation.
Take your time strolling through those aisles.
27. 0-100 is an understatement.
No, not bipolar. Just kids.
28. When you have to sabotage the toys they love to save your own sanity.
That is, until they learn what batteries are and how to change them.
29. The 'Hot Parent' is a mythical beast.
How do they keep it all together?
30. Nothing stays clean for long.
If the room isn't a mess it's like kids see that as a personal attack against their honor.
31. When you just can't put up with people who don't have kids any longer.
Seriously, have one and then come talk to me.
