"Is This OK in a Relationship?" — Woman Says Her BF Made Friends With Girl From Dating App
Published Sept. 14 2023, 3:25 p.m. ET
Here's an interesting concept. Is it possible to meet up with someone on a dating app, only for you to both realize you're better off as friends — and then actually follow through on hanging out as just friends?
Sounds like it'd be pretty hard to pull off. Usually if you don't have chemistry on a date, you go your separate ways and that's that, right?
Well, one woman on Mumsnet is faced with this exact conundrum right now, as her boyfriend plans to meet up for a friendly drink with a gal he once met online.
You see, apparently her boyfriend and this girl realized they "weren't each other's type" when they originally met up for a date; instead, they saw themselves better as friends.
So, in the boyfriend's mind, it's totally cool for him to meet up with this girl for a "drink and a chat." But is it really, though?
Would you let your boyfriend hang out with a girl he once met on a dating app?
On the U.K. parenting forum Mumsnet, a user named Prettypearl21 (we'll call her Pearl) posted her story in the "Am I Being Unreasonable?" (AIBU) subforum, titling it:
"My boyfriend wants to go out with a girl he met on a dating app — AIBU to be bothered by it?"
Pearl explained in her post:
"My boyfriend is lovely. He’s 26, I’m 22. We met on a dating app a few months back. He’s from a different country, and although he is sociable and friendly he doesn’t have many friends here, just a few."
"I was speaking to him on the phone tonight," she continued. "He told me he will be meeting an ‘acquaintance’ tomorrow evening. I asked for more information about who it was as he seemed hesitant to tell me any more, and he told me it was a girl he met on the dating app in February."
Pearl went on: "He’d never mentioned her before this. He said she is about his age and an athlete. Apparently, when they went out (before he met me) they weren’t each other’s type, they only see each other as friend, and now he wants to go out with her tomorrow one on one, to get a drink and have a chat. In all honestly I was quite surprised. Is this OK in a relationship?"
The general consensus seemed to be: "Throw the whole man away."
"He wants to have his cake and eat it, throw the whole man away," wrote one commenter, while another echoed this trash-related imagery with: "If she was just a friend he would've told you about her and not tried to hide things. Bin him."
"Have some respect for yourself. Get rid. ASAP," said another, while yet another commented: "That's called a date."
"Do you have male friends that you spend time with one-to-one?" asked one commenter, while another noted that "the fact that he didn't want to tell you is a major red flag."
"I made a friend through online dating, we weren't compatible as a couple but made good friends. I carried on seeing him as a friend once I'd met [my now-husband] but gradually stopped as I suspected [my husband was slightly bothered by it," another person mentioned.
Some folks, however, were "surprised" by the "extreme reaction" to this woman's post.
"’m a bit surprised by the extreme reaction to this," one commenter said. "I’ve made friends through dating apps and still catch up now and again. We got on well, but didn’t fancy each other. My partner also has female friends he met through dating apps. He sees them occasionally — and I’ve met them too."
"I suppose it just depends on the type of person your partner is," this same commenter continued. "I suspect the fact that he doesn’t have loads of friends in this country make him keen to hang onto the few he already has. I can also see why he might not have brought it up — perhaps worried about the reaction, rather than any intention to deceive you?
There seem to be valid points on both sides. What would you tell this woman? Kick this dude to the curb, or try to figure this out and work through it?
