A Fast Food Chicken Sandwich War Has Taken Over Twitter

In 2019, we don't have a lot. But we do have the Great Chicken Sandwich War, and for that we can be thankful (100 percent thanks to #BlackTwitter for this cultural moment and many others). You see, Popeyes Chicken recently released a new chicken sandwich. It's simple. Fried chicken, pickles, sauce, bun. And people love it. It's apparently a very good chicken sandwich, which is throwing everything we know about good fast food chicken sammies into flux. 

Chick-fil-A threw some shade. Wendy's got in on the action. And pretty soon, we had a full-out chicken sandwich war waging on Twitter. Whose side are you on? 

It's been mere days since Popeyes released this chicken sandwiches into stores nationwide. And it quickly went completely viral for being super delicious. It was immediately hailed as a fast food game changer. 

The reviews started rolling in, and they were golden. Now, I have to admit, I live right across the street from a Popeyes. I've lived here for approximately five years. And I have never even been to Popeyes. Until now, I thought it was a sign of strength. I knew if I allowed myself to taste that sweet, fried goodness, it'd all be over for me. But at this point, I'm regretting everything.

I might have to actually go to Popeyes and get my hands on this chicken sandwich. People are talking about it like it will solve all the world's problems. Like it's a revelation on par with the discovery of fire or the invention of the wheel. 

People love this chicken sandwich so much that delivery drivers are stealing it! People are waiting in lines out the door! Popeyes locations everywhere have been inundated with hungry patrons looking for the already-legendary chicken sandwich. 

This can only mean one thing. Chick-fil-A is being forgotten. Left behind. Sure, they're homophobic. But they make great fried chicken. And they couldn't sit back and ignore this newfangled development from their competitor. So the OG chicken joint (as some call it) took to Twitter.

Clearly, they tried to pull focus from all the hype around Popeyes new sammie and pump up the love for the "original" fried chicken sandwich at Chick-fil-A. But Popeyes knew exactly what they were doing and hit back in a subtle, yet totally not subtle way. 

Wow. This is harsh. Popeyes is not playing games here. They know that they have a great chicken sandwich, and they're dead set on taking down anyone who tries to get in their path. Which is why it was so stupid of Wendy's to try to get involved.

Wendy's is notorious for its sassy Twitter presence, so it was only a matter of time before they stoked the Chicken Sandwich fire by flapping their big mouths (or should I say "wings"?). I don't think I've ever had a Wendy's chicken sandwich, but I can say with near certainty by just looking at the picture that it doesn't hold a candle to Popeyes or Chick-fil-A's. And Popeyes wasn't going to let them get away with this slander.

Oh, snap! But also...Popeyes. This is kind of a self-own. Are you saying your biscuits are dry? Because that's what it sounds like. And Wendy's was quick to jump on that insinuation.

As you can tell, things are getting heated. And that's not just because of the spicy chicken you can get on your sandwich. People all over Twitter started taking sides in the Great Chicken Sandwich War. Some people even defended Wendy's sandwich. 

Sure, yes, this tweet is funny. (Chicken without the beef. Get it?) But I had the Shake Shack chicken sandwich once, and it made me super sick, so I'm definitely not on team Shake Shack for this one. Sorry.

The Great Chicken Sandwich War has become about so much more than just the chicken sandwiches at this point. We're all steeped in this horrible late capitalism trend of brands anthropomorphizing themselves on Twitter for the benefit of almost no one. It's about the chicken, sure, but it's mostly about the tweets, the attitude, the brand voice, if you will.

This is so true. If you were to tell me last week that this week I'd be writing an article about fast food chains getting into a Twitter fight over chicken sandwiches, I would have been like, "...Yeah that sounds about right."

It's only a matter of time before the Great Chicken Sandwich War goes from a fun thing happening on Twitter to a million think pieces about what it means about the direction in which our society's headed. And I fully acknowledge that I, writing this article, am part of that problem. But if you think I'm going to stop, you got another thing coming. (That other thing is the rest of this article.)

Obviously, at this point, there's only one way to solve this. Everyone in the country needs to be given free chicken sandwiches from all three nationwide chains. We'll do a taste test, a vote, and find the definitive winner. I don't see anything unreasonable about this proposal.

This is true. The McChicken may be flimsy, it may be a large nugget rather than a real juicy chicken breast, but the McChicken has been there from the beginning. And it's not going anywhere. It will always be there when you need it. 

Someday, we'll all have to answer for where we were and what we did when the Great Chicken Sandwich War went down. Look inside yourself and ask, "Am I doing everything I should? Am I eating the right chicken sandwiches?"

As if this whole thing wasn't apocalyptic enough, Mr. Peanut is now hawking jars full of Cheez Balls powder. That's right. Just the powder. And he wants us to sprinkle that stuff on our chicken sandwiches. I don't even know anymore. Somehow, the tweets keep coming.

Hot Pockets, stop it. Just stop it. Go away. This isn't funny. I'm serious. Turn around and leave. You can't play with the adults. Go back to the kids' table. We're done here.

Now this is the way to use a trending Twitter war for good! Yes, this humane society named two of their cats Chick-fil-A Chicken Sandwich and Popeyes Chicken Sandwich in an effort to get them adopted and to put an end to the fight. Kansas Humane Society, you need more followers. Follow these animal rescuers and peacekeepers now.