"Drink Some Wine" — College Mom Asks Advice on How to Handle Daughter Staying in Boy’s Dorm Room

Now that there's a whole new slew of college freshmen entering the fold for the upcoming school year, parents are jumping on social media trying to reconcile themselves with the fact that their babies are no longer their babies anymore.

From moms attempting to set up playdates between their adult children to helicopter parents attempting to speak with their kids' RA's on these same forums — it can be a lot.

Recently, a mom's post in an online group has gone viral on Reddit for the way she perceived how her daughter was spending time at college.

The woman seemed concerned that her teen, despite having a boyfriend who lives off-campus, has been spending a considerable amount of time at her school's boy's dormitory.

She writes in her post: "My daughter is a freshman at a junior college and is on a sports team. She has a boyfriend that doesn't live on campus but she has been spending a lot of time at the boys' dorm."

Gutted by the idea that her daughter may be cheating on her boyfriend or that she's exploring different possible sexual/romantic relationships in college, she asked folks on the app: "How should I handle this?"

Throngs of people clapped back at her, stating that it really wasn't any of her business what her daughter was doing and that her kid was an adult now whether she liked it or not.

In terms of recommendations as to what she could do, there were several who retorted with jokes. One person penned, "Meditation," while another responded with, "Wine?"

"Nothing for you to handle. She is a college student: let her do her thing," one said.

Another replied, "Accceptance! You may not like it, but she is an adult. If it is against the rules and she is breaking the rule, it will be on her. I know it is hard, but we must let go."

Someone else penned a more blunt response: "What needs to be handled? What is the issue?"

"Therapy for you? She's an adult. It isn't for you to handle."

One person did bring up that if she didn't already have a conversation with her daughter about safe sex now would be a good time to do so.

There was one commenter, however, who left a remark that seemed to resonate with a lot of Reddit users: "Turn off life 360 and trust her to make the right decisions."

And it seems like there were a lot of other people who felt she was doing just that.

"It will be OK. Just support her success in her education. Set expectations that she goes to class and tries her best. Help her problem-solve when she asks for help. She's navigating a whole new world. I would stay out of her private life unless she asks. If you're tracking her movements thru an App — just stop. You will drive yourself crazy and she's entitled to some personal privacy."

The ethics and capacity for potential mental anguish/dissolution of relationships between parents and their children through the usage of tracking applications were addressed in this 2022 Guardian piece.

The outlet weighs as to whether or not using these applications is "protective or suffocating" and the differentiation between the two seems to boil down to the age of a child.

In the piece, Dr. Jocelyn Bower, a psychologist and cyber-psychology researcher, talked about tracking apps. "Some young people have their own anxiety about separating from parents, that these [apps] attempt to address. But this brings up other issues around simply creating further dependence on reaching out to parents."

The researcher added: "They can also become a tracking and tracing device, and kids can feel overly monitored, even stalked. This depends on their age, as often older kids are more independent and able to handle different situations so feel less like they need these tools."

Do you think it's ever a good idea for parents to track their kids' movement? Is there a cut-off age?