Jon Lovett

Comedian, political commentator, podcast host, queer icon. Is there anything Crooked Media's Jon Lovett can't do? Color inside the lines, apparently. When presented with our signature questions for this interview, Jon had a bit of an... unusual take on his answers. However, while his responses took us by surprise, their sass and analytical contemplation couldn't be any more Jon Lovett.

As of June 25, 2024, Jon and Crooked Media have released their newest book, Democracy or Else: How to Save America in 10 Easy Steps. Full of wit, comedy, and helpful information, his book is for everyone — "from political junkies following every turn of the news cycle, the politically disengaged, to young people getting ready to vote for the first time."

Distractify chatted with Jon to learn about his biggest distraction, his hottest hot take, and more.

JL: A martini glass with spaghetti in it.

JL: It's the emoji you use to signal to a very close friend that you're holding your phone and sitting in a quiet place, but you can’t answer for the next few minutes. You’ll know what I mean, unless you don’t.

JL: OK, I know I’m supposed to answer thirteen questions, but I'm really stuck on this question. What does it mean to "switch lives" with someone?

Let's say I choose LeBron James. It can't be that suddenly LeBron James has become a small Jewish person. Because that's a claim no one would believe! Really I would seem like a maniac pretending to be a basketball player who I’ve presumably also kidnapped. And besides, this version of “switching lives” is pretty empty — hard to figure out the difference between “switching lives” and “pretending to be LeBron James who has vanished to the great terror of his loved ones.” I am not supposed to just wake up in LeBron’s house. I’m supposed to switch lives!

Then you go a step further and say, ‘OK, you’re switching lives and you’re still in your own body, but in this scenario, LeBron James has always been a small Jewish person.’ In this version, no panicked maid discovers you in the primary bathroom and the day isn’t lost to an interrogation about where the real LeBron is being kept.

But still, I wouldn’t be living as LeBron James because there is no essence of LeBron that can be distilled from his qualities, memories, and experiences. Am I still from Akron? Am I now adopted? It falls apart very quickly.

So it sounds like what you’re asking is, ‘Which celebrity’s body would I want to inhabit for a day?’ And that’s pretty fraught! Presumably, to have the full experience you wouldn’t confess to being yourself — and silly anyway because Travis Kelce wouldn’t believe Taylor Swift if tomorrow she woke up and said “I’m actually a podcaster living as a rock star for the day but the real Taylor will be back tomorrow.” It would look and sound like a mental breakdown! So I guess that means you’re doing your best to try to “be Taylor” as everyone around her wonders why she’s being so weird, and you wonder if “switching lives” means you know all of her lyrics and retain all of her musical abilities.

At some point it would also dawn on you to text your own phone to get in touch with Taylor because she’s found herself in an inexplicable and terrifying situation, trying and failing to wake up from what can only be a nightmare.

But just then her wardrobe person ‘reminds’ you what you wear to kick off the show even though ‘you’ have done the show a hundred times, and a stagehand throws a guitar over your shoulder, and it’s dark and you’re on a platform and it rises and a hatch opens and you’re standing in front of fifty thousand screaming fans and there’s a voice in your ear piece saying “one two three four” and you know you’re supposed to be singing but you have absolutely no idea what song ...

There are lots of famous people who have very interesting lives. Ryan Reynolds bought a soccer team! But this question is a f--king trap.

JL: Here’s what I don’t get about “creator” as a term — I know who it applies to in the main, but when does it STOP applying? Is Oprah a creator? Is Jacob Elordi a creator? I don’t know how they are, but also I don’t know how they’re not. Anyway, Natalie Rotter-Laitman is so f--king funny.

JL: I’m loving attacking the premise of every question. We ALL have a microphone that can broadcast to everyone in the country at once. It’s just getting everyone to tune in — that's the hard part. You mean like, everyone has to listen? So whatever message I’m delivering, it’s non-consensual? Like an emergency message or an amber alert but I tell everyone to stop texting at red lights?

And won’t this interrupt pilots in the middle of airplane landings? And surgeons literally about to cut, like, an aorta or something? And parents who finally got their babies to sleep? And lots of lots of people having sex? What would I say? I would try to be as quiet as possible! I don’t think “I know he’s old but we have to vote Biden” would do the trick in what would seem to most people like some kind of cyberattack.

JL: I always end up going for Johnny Cash. Don’t even know why. I’ve never really thought about it, but it’s not like, some of the time. It’s 100 percent of the time.

JL: Straws are great. Oh, you put the straws behind the counter? Nice try, government.

JL: Kurt Vonnegut wrote a book called Mother Night about an American who becomes a double agent during World War II, and in introducing the book he said, “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be,” and I think about it all the time.

JL: Look at how I answered these questions. The endless noise inside my own brain does the trick here. Another perfect distraction during an election year filling us with dread and/or annoyance? Our book Democracy or Else, which you should buy, please. All of our profits go to Vote Save America and organizations protecting democracy. And it’s funny and good. Thank you.