24 Knee-Slapping Ways to Say Happy Valentine's Day

It's one of our favorite holidays of the year — Valentine's Day — mainly because you can make it as high-key or as low-key as you see fit. It doesn't have the weight of birthdays or family holidays, and yet it's a great opportunity to make your loved one feel special, while perhaps eating a candy or two along the way.

So whether you're looking for some famous quotes about love, some Valentine's Day jokes to share with your kids, or how to wish your daughter a happy Valentine's Day without making her cringe, Distractify has you covered with all of your V-Day needs.

Keep reading for some funny Valentine's Day messages that will be appreciated (and laughed at) by everyone on the receiving end.

1. "I love you just the way I am!"

2. "When people ask me the best thing about you, I say nothing. I don't want them to fall in love with you too."

3. "Love is like peeing your pants in that everyone can see it but only you can feel it. Thanks for being the pee in my pants."

4. "The only card I want for Valentine's Day is VISA."

5. "I feel for you and totally understand if you get jealous all the time. I'd feel the same way if my boo was as hot as me."

6. "I'm going to spend Valentine's Day with my X.....Box 360."

7. "If I don't meet your standards for Valentine's Day, then I kindly ask you to please lower your standards."

8. "Valentine's Day is the perfect day for me to tell you those three special words... Let's get naked!"

9. "2020 Valentine's Day To-Do List:
   1. You"

10. "Roses are red,
Hellebores are green.
Take me to Valentine's dinner
Or I'll make a scene!"

11. "I don't need a lot of chocolates this Valentine's Day because I'm on a diet. Instead, you can buy me some diamonds!"

12. "If you feel sad that you're alone on Valentine's Day, just remember no one loves you on the other 364 days of the year either."

13. "Hope you are prepared to send me the best Valentine's Day gift!"

14. "If you were a Transformer, you'd be Optimus Fine."

15. "I think you are suffering from a lack of Vitamin ME."

16. "I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you can want annoy for the rest of your life." —Rita Rudner

17. "Be anti-social with me."

18. "It's almost Valentine's Day and I don't know what to get myself yet."

19. "Thanks for keeping my cold feet warm."

20. For the Kanye fans: "Loving you is Yeezy." 

21. For history nerds and the politically inclined: "Quit Stalin and be my Valentine."

22. For the Friends fans, "I'd drink the fat for you."

23. For Harry Potter fans, "The Sorting Hat said I belong with you."

24. For the Star Wars fans, "Yoda one for me."