Woman Criticizes Man’s Masculinity for Drinking Iced Coffee, Sparks Debate

Known for hot takes, TikToker Lady J (@this_is_the_ladyj) threw in her two cents again, this time in a video touching on the subject of “masculinity” which hit 5M views and counting.

The video starts by referencing another TikTok showing a man at a cafe, drinking an iced coffee and working on his computer, with the caption "Men used to go to war."

Then we smash cut to Lady J, giving her take directly to the camera: "News flash: men still actually do go to war, and they have been for quite a while. But I digress. It will never cease to amaze me how much some individuals like to be in other people's business."

The TikToker continued, "This gentleman is just sitting there… enjoying his beverage of choice. And yet, there are still some who will criticize him for not drinking a 'manly enough' beverage."

She concludes, "As if it wasn't enough that there have been complaints about toxic masculinity, people still criticize someone for not appearing 'manly' enough. Pick which way you want it, because you can't have it both ways."

Lady J's video is throwing her hat into the deeper conversation around gender roles and societal expectations. On one hand, there's a call to dismantle toxic masculinity, urging men to step away from aggressive, emotionally closed-off behaviors.

On the other, softer expressions of masculinity are often met with ridicule. The mixed messages can be convoluted, particularly for young men trying to find their place in society.

The 2016 election of Donald Trump represented, for some, a resurgence of a hyper-masculine ideal — one where assertiveness and dominance were praised as leadership. Trump symbolized the kind of man who doesn’t sip an iced coffee at a cafe, but instead drinks it black, far from anything “feminine” or “soft.”

His presidency helped spotlight traits associated with traditional masculinity, like dismissing emotions and encouraging competition.

The culture surrounding masculinity shifted again. After the 2022 midterms, Jon Fetterman—known for his tattoos and blunt style—spoke about a different kind of "bro." He championed a masculinity focused on empathy, community, and resilience.

Fetterman’s success in Pennsylvania — a state with deep traditional masculinity roots — shows how society's view of what it means to be a man is changing.

A Pew Research study found that 53% of men aged 18 to 29 believe showing vulnerability is an important part of being a good man, up from 38% in 2010. This shift reflects younger generations rejecting “trad” masculinity in favor of more emotionally balanced identities.

The rise in mental health awareness campaigns like “Movember” and telehealth services for men shows that vulnerability is becoming more accepted.

More men are also embracing traits once seen as exclusively feminine—empathy, nurturing, and cooperation—without losing their sense of identity. Social media conversations and viral TikToks show men openly discussing feelings, expressing doubts, and supporting each other, countering the outdated belief that men must go it alone.

Lady J's viral video and her sharp yet empathetic commentary highlight this cultural shift. It’s no longer about being “manly enough” or fighting every perceived threat to traditional masculinity.

Instead, it’s about living authentically, respecting others’ choices, and not getting caught up in someone else’s iced coffee order—because, really, aren’t there more important battles to fight?