Man Refuses to Put Unemployed Partner's Name on the Mortgage, Internet Says He's Right
Published July 10 2023, 5:24 p.m. ET
Moving in with a significant other is a big decision. It can be incredibly stressful, especially if you can't agree on financial issues — like this man and his long-term partner in the wildly popular "AITA" ("Am I the A------"?) subreddit.
The original poster, who goes by the handle u/TryComfortable4289, asked if he was an a------ for not putting his unemployed partner's name on his mortgage. This story gets messy, so read on for all the juicy deets!
A man won't put his unemployed partner's name on their mortgage.
"So, for context, we're both 27M and have been together for around eight years. I work a job that pays [$60,000] a year, and he is unemployed and collects 'benefits' [from] his parents," the OP explained, adding that his partner has been unemployed since COVID and "never got around to finding a job again."
The OP said he recently found a house he loved; he and his partner visited together and decided it was the place for them. After completing all the necessary paperwork, the OP told his partner they should be able to move in in a few months. Unfortunately, things don't turn out too well.
The OP's partner asked to go through the paperwork; just days later, he confronted the OP and asked why everything was in his name. The OP said, "It's my money and I'm the one paying the mortgage, you're not putting any money or effort into the property." The partner told the OP he's being "financially abusive" and can't expect to own everything.
Later on, the two had a serious talk; the OP agreed to leave the house in his partner's name and most of his savings in his will. The OP's partner said that's not enough, insisting that he'll have nothing if they ever break up.
"It gets heated, and I tell him [if] he wanted a house, he should have worked for it, not stayed at home and relied on me. I said if he wanted to be on the mortgage, it means he will have to find a job that pays the same as mine," the OP wrote, noting that it's been days and the argument hasn't been resolved.
In an update, the OP said he and his partner had a "difficult conversation" where he offered to put his partner's name on the document only if he paid rent toward the mortgage. As expected, things didn't go too well.
"Unfortunately, this had a lot of backlash, and he made the claim of me being financially abusive again," the OP said. "I have now said that he cannot move with me to the new house if he does not contribute to it. He said he feels betrayed and belittled. I feel like I'm in the same situation I was at the start."
Redditors warned the OP about moving in with his unemployed partner.
The viral post instantly racked in thousands of comments, with many fellow Redditors agreeing that the OP is right for not putting his unemployed partner's name on his mortgage.
"Your partner is not a partner. He's a dependent," one person wrote. "He has no right to any of your property."
They added, "He should be paying you rent if he wants to live in the house. You are responsible for the mortgage, not him. You are responsible for insurance, repairs, and all the things that go with home ownership. He is not. He doesn't get to mooch off your assets beyond the regular mooching that he's already accomplished."
Another person commented, "Where is his stake? If you break up and he's 'left with nothing,' how is that your fault? If you haven't prevented him from earning, saving, or spending money, then it's not financial abuse. I would not let him move in without a written lease agreement, even if no money changes hands."
"So, he's not mentally or physically unable to work. He's not going to school. He's not home raising children or caring for an elderly parent," a third Redditor pointed out. "He just … chooses not to work because he doesn't want to work? And this isn't anything the two of you agreed on? He just forced it on you by not finding a job?"
The user noted, "Yeah, someone's committing some financial abuse here, but it's not you."
Others told the OP not to include his partner in his will: "I'm sure nothing will happen … but making it so the only way he gets your house is through you dying doesn't seem like a good incentive." You got that right!
In the end, the OP took to the comment section and shockingly revealed that his lousy partner wasn't even planning on paying the mortgage alongside him. Ugh — the audacity of this man!
