20 Jokes About How 'Nature Is Healing' Thanks to the Quarantine

With most people around the country on lockdown, there have been stories of water clearing up, air pollution lessening, and wildlife being spotted in the streets. People keep saying that without humans, "nature is healing." They're lamenting that "humans are the virus," when in fact, it's our policies and processes that need to change. 

As quick as people were to say "natural wildlife has returned," others were there with the jokes. And they're pretty great.

The only thing scarier than the Cats movie would be if these nightmare creatures were real and roaming the streets of London right now. The bright side would be that it would definitely keep people from leaving their homes. 

Everyone knows that Italy is where pizzas used to roam free before people arrived, built cities, and started baking fake ones in brick ovens across the work. Now, the wild pizzas are back. And boy, are they gorgeous.

If this happened, I would 100 percent take it as a sign of the coming apocalypse. I would not be able to handle it. That minion has the look of the devil in its eyes. And you know it. 

There is a lot of fake "nature is healing" news out there, a lot of Photoshopped pranks and fake news, but this one is clearly real. Ocean creatures are returning to toilet bowls — their natural habitats — all over the world!

Wow. Not only have animals returned to nature, but they've gotten gigantic and learned how to make clothes! We as human beings must step back to let the mice grow to their full potential.

This looks like the stampede in the original Jumanji movie, so I think now is a good time to talk about how the remakes might be fun but will never hold a candle to the Robin Williams / Bonnie Hunt / Kirsten Dunst original.

Rubber ducky, you're the one. You make rivers lots of fun. Rubber ducky, I'm awfully scared of you because wow, that's big. Is it just me or is this rubber duck serving some seriously terrifying Minion vibes?

Shh, shh. Don't scare them. They want to take that bread, but if you spook them, they might accidentally spit and clean your floor. I guess that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, now that I think about it.

Could you even imagine if today, all of a sudden, newscasters had to come on TV and say, "Well, folks, in addition to sheltering in place due to the global pandemic, there is a giant gorilla on top of the Empire State Building, so, yeah, stay inside."

Ah yes, the famed New York subway boot bird. They're very rare, much rarer than pigeons. And you have to be careful when you spot one. If you make any sudden movements, they'll do nothing because it's just an abandoned pair of boots.

If you listen carefully at night, you can hear the wild hordes of Volvos revving their engines and beeping their horns at night. No one knows what they're doing out there because no one wants to risk getting run over in a Volvo stampede. What a way to go.

OK, but real story: There are those shark balloons you can buy that have a little motor, so they float through the air like they're swimming, and one time, for my boss, I had to build one, inflate it, and then figure out to mail it in a giant box so when the recipient opened it up, it would swim out at them. It was the worst work task ever.

So that's where the shopping carts escape to at night! This must explain why they're all sticky every time you touch one. It's the swamp algae.

Truly, this is one of the saddest pictures I've ever seen. All that's running through my mind is that no one will be able to eat this perfectly delicious-looking cake. It looks expertly decorated too. What a tragedy.

One more horrifying fact about this pandemic is that it has apparently unleashed a population of wild Teletubbies. No one wants this. No one needs this. Someone needs to grab a giant net and grab those revolting creatures.

Newsflash: Dolphins don't populate reservoirs like the Tidal Basin in Washington, D.C. This is a pretty wonderful fake picture, though. I'd be cool if this is what the apocalypse actually looked like.

I'm over here giggling about the idea that all office walls grow grass and weeds while we're not there. It doesn't take much to make me lose it laughing these days. Because if we're not laughing about vertical garden walls, we'd be crying about everything else, am I right?!

I am trying to imagine a world in which the COVID-19 pandemic is still happening, but there's also a theme park full of real live dinosaurs that we have to keep from getting out. And I think I just came up with the plot to the next Jurassic World movie. Chris Pratt, call me.

How much do you want to bet this pigeon is like, "Where are all the humans? Are they really gone! Hallelujah! It's party time!" and then he does the Tom Cruise slide from Risky Business? I'm pretty sure this is exactly how it went. 

As sad as the cake photo made me, this photo is having the opposite effect. Every Lime scooter that exists should be set free. As in, drowned in the river, never to return. And that's how I feel about Lime scooters.