This Guy Wants to Open a $1 Grilled Cheese Truck, and We're on Board

Food trucks are all the rage these days, and they seem to be getting more complicated by the minute. So many trucks offer trendy food like Asian fusion...sushi burritos, sushi donuts, and Korean tacos, or overly complex dishes, like cake on a stick or wood-fired pizza in fruit roll-up form (OK, I think I made that last one up, but you get the point) that are way too expensive for what you get.

Isn't it time things change? Aren't you craving a food truck revolution? Twitter user Daniel Danger went on an epic, sometimes unhinged rant about his new food truck idea, and he went totally viral for it. Because all Daniel Danger wants to do is sell basic $1 grilled cheese sandwiches.

This sounds pretty great to me. Sometimes you don't want fancy, artisan sandwiches with fancy mustard and avocado and rustic baguettes. Sometimes, you just need a cheap, fulfilling snack to keep you going, and there should be a food truck for that. 

I already feel like there will be a line around the block for this $1 grilled cheese truck, even if you can't get change. Honestly, I'll be in that line. 

He has very specific ideas for the design of the truck. For example, why Impact font?! I respect the decision, but also... Why?! He also has a lot of hubris about this theoretical business. But I have to agree — a truck that sells simple grilled cheeses would do crazy well out there in the food truck marketplace. Healthy food is on its way out. Greasy, cheesy bar food that makes you feel terrible inside is in. 

He is right, after all. Fancy grilled cheeses would take too long to make and be too hard to eat! If you are drunk on the side of the road outside a bar, you need something you can shove in your mouth STAT to soak up all that alcohol. With $1 grilled cheeses, you could grab 'em and go, and possibly avoid that horrible hangover you had resigned yourself to when the night began. 

Well, all right. This is sounding more and more like my kind of food truck. This is exactly the kind of food truck that would be super trendy in L.A. because you have to have exact change and you don't get any substitutions. It probably opens only at certain hours, and you have to track its location on Twitter, but only because Daniel just decides on a whim where he's going to park it. Daniel Danger will be like the Soup Nazi of food trucks. 

But here's the thing... Tomatoes on grilled cheese are so good! They're delicious! They get all hot and melty and mix with the cheese. You get that little bit of sweetness and moisture that was missing before. I really do not understand the tomato hate I see out in the world. Tomatoes are great! However, for the purposes of the truck, I understand why he won't offer them. It's just another thing that would make the grilled cheese truck impure. 

I love this so much. No artisan sourdough bread or multigrain nonsense. No homemade cheese or gourmet gruyere. We're talking Wonder Bread and Kraft singles, baby! "Are they going to be good?" Well, they are going to be as good as a sandwich made of only white bread, cheese, and butter can be. As long as there's a lot of butter...like, a lot of butter...I have no doubt they will be extremely delicious. 

This is also brilliant marketing. Or reverse marketing, I should say. You see, it's kind of like reverse psychology. Eventually, it will become a badge of honor whenever the truck gets a one-star review, rendering one-star reviews completely pointless. It's genius. 

I also want to reiterate that I don't think Daniel is kidding about this truck, and I really hope he's not. I hope he's 100 percent serious.

Of course, once Daniel's Twitter thread started going viral, people began making suggestions for how to run his business. But here's the thing. He doesn't want your dumb suggestions. He doesn't need them. He knows exactly what he wants to do. He will be offering $1 grilled cheese sandwiches, and that's the end of the list. If you're still trying to give him suggestions, you're not listening.

I like this slogan. It tempers expectations. Daniel knows he is selling average grilled cheese sandwiches. There is literally nothing special about them. Not even the fact that they're not special makes them special. You understand what I'm saying here? These are the epitome of mediocre grilled cheese sandwiches. So "get your wallets out, but don't get your hopes up" is a perfect slogan. "If you're drunk, you'll love it" works, too.

In case you can't read the side, it says, "DANGER. $1 grilled cheese. Don't ask for a god-d----ed tomato slice or I swear to God I will reach through the window, pull you inside, and hold your head against the griddle, which will be embarrassing for you. Harsh, but fair.

I was skeptical of the use of Impact as the truck's font choice, but I have to say, it works. It really makes an impact, if you know what I mean. 

Usually, I can't relate to food truck mascots, but this guy... this guy has the same pain behind his eyes that I see in my peers and myself. This guy is wearing a giant grilled cheese and will never be able to buy a house. This guy is in his twenties, but he's already had seven different jobs, not including this job as a grilled cheese mascot. This will make me want to buy a $1 grilled cheese even more.

OK phew! I was waiting for him to acknowledge this, because it is such a good trick. Not only does mayo give your grilled cheese a tasty tang, but it doesn't burn as easily as butter, so you won't ruin your sandwiches. Seriously, I'm not a big mayo fan, but this tip changed my life. Let the darkness inside take you to the place where you use mayo for grilled cheese sandwiches. You won't regret it one bit. 

The problem is that Daniel Danger is exactly right. Ideas this pure and good never last in a constantly changing world. They are always co-opted by some idiot named Chad. Yes, they are always, 100 percent of the time, named Chad. I don't know why. I just know that that is the truth. Chad will steal the idea and in a year the pure concept will devolve to selling CBD grilled cheese foam, and the idea will be ruined forever.

Back to the idea at hand. Because it's a good one. This whole concept of the $1 grilled cheese truck makes so much sense to me. The only thing that is going to change from customer to customer is how many grilled cheeses they get. Because the truck only makes one thing, they can do it constantly and don't have to wait for orders. This means little to no wait time, that is, until some noob comes up with a $100 bill. 

I mean, look at that. These look like delicious grilled cheese sandwiches. Simple. Greasy. Perfect. I personally like them a little crispier, a little burnt around the edges, but at this truck, I don't have a say in the matter! And I'm OK with that. When you come to the $1 grilled cheese truck, you get what you pay for, and what you pay for is a mediocre grilled cheese sandwich. It's literally one dollar. Don't complain.

"This side of the truck is not for customers," it says. "Do not approach. This window is for me to thousand yard stare out of every time someone tells me they 'like my idea' but that I could make 'more money' if I charged $2 or $3. Yes, Carol, I know how money works. The window is aimed at a nearby meadow where a family of deer often gather and one time I saw an owl so I'm holding out hope I get to see the owl again. When I'm ready to get back to selling you utilitarian eats at rock bottom prices for my own amusement I will let you know. Do not ask me how long I will be. It'll just make me stare longer.

"If you would like to talk about Friday Night Lights, then OK." The other side says, "No I don't know where a bathroom is." Perfect.

Of course, there will be consequences to the popularity of a $1 grilled cheese truck. When something like this gets popular, there are bound to be copycats and tagalongs. Watch out for the $2 grilled cheese truck that lets you order tomato if you want. It is an imposter truck! And the tomato soup trucks that will try to leech off the real $1 grilled cheese truck are monsters. So please don't let this happen. 

The only drinks available will be a garden hose. Makes sense to me. It's a grilled cheese truck, not a grilled cheese and drinks truck. 

But also, please don't drink out of that garden hose. After that truck has driven around and parked in every parking lot in the city, serving lines upon lines of customers, there is no way that garden hose isn't a petri dish of parking lot diseases. Gross. Get your drinks elsewhere.

If you want to get into the $1 grilled cheese business, you will have to do months of yard work first. It's only fair. And then, you will be rewarded with a franchise. Others will try to copy the $1 grilled cheese truck, but you will know the real grilled cheese trucks from the design and from the calloused hands of the franchise owner who just finished months and months of grueling manual labor for the honor. 

Daniel's truck is surely going to be a reality soon. He's already got a celebrity backer. And not some D-list nobody. We're talking the king of horror fiction, Stephen King himself. With support of that caliber, investors in this concept should soon be rolling in, and it won't be long before the "just ok" grilled cheeses start rolling out.

So there you have it. It's all there. The concept is rock solid, the truck design is unlike anything I've ever seen before, and the very passionate business owner knows how to pitch an idea and cook a fine grilled cheese. I really hope this happens. 

In the meantime, to support this vision, take a look at Daniel Danger over on Bandcamp and buy his art on his website. Let's make this happen, people. $1 grilled cheeses for all.