“General Etiquette Has Gone Away” — Millennial Woman Says People Art of Hosting Has Been Lost

The art of being a gracious host and a thoughtful guest in a person's home is being lost. That's according to TikToker Olivia Mancuso (@oliviamancuso_), who expressed her shock at how she'll visit people's homes and not even be offered a glass of water until she's been there for some time.

"I want to know if I'm the minority in this or maybe it's a generational thing," she said. "I'm 32 years old, so I'm a millennial. I feel like we, and even people in my generation, have lost the art of hosting. I cannot tell you how many times I've been to someone's house recently where it took them 15 or 20 minutes to even offer me a glass of water."

She continued to talk about her generation's inability to adequately welcome and care for guests in their home: "Meanwhile, when my husband and I have anyone over for any reason. Whether it's drinks, dinner, whatever, we provide everything. OK?"

Olivia rattles off the different options she and her husband provide guests: "You can get a specialty cocktail. You can get wine. You can get water. You can get LaCroix. You will have a cheese board waiting for you. There will be appetizers like, we will cook a full meal if that's what you plan to do. And I just feel like it is never reciprocated, which is not why we do it, but I feel like it is a lost arm form."

The TikToker opined further, going on about how guests even don't know how to act whenever they arrive at someone's place: "People show up empty-handed. Like we have parties, like, not very often, but we'll have like parties with like a limited amount of guests because we have a rooftop. So many people show up without even bringing, like, a bottle of wine."

Ultimately, she concludes that this is due to the way folks are being raised by their parents: "And I just was not raised that way. I could not fathom showing up to someone's house empty-handed. Especially if it's like someone I don't know very well. Those are always the people who do it too. Cause if like, I have girlfriends where it's like we've known each other for, you know, 15 years, like if you don't bring something this one time it's fine. We're cool."

She explained that if you're long time friends with someone, not bringing a gift when you're invited over their home isn't really the end of the world. On the other hand, however, if you're just meeting a person for the first time or if they're a newer acquaintance, you should be expected to bring something over.

"But, when it's a newer friend and they just like, they don't bring anything. It just leaves such an icky feeling. Cause it's, I can't expect me out of other people. But I just feel like we've lost this, I don't know. It's like a societal thing that has shifted. And like don't come at me and tell me this is elitist or you know I must be rich."

She says that one's financial situation shouldn't be considered when making an effort to be a gracious guest or a host. "Because you can bring something over to someone's house that is small and thoughtful. And if you're having someone over you can at least offer them water. We have lost that touch."

Olivia added that this lost art of social interaction and courtesy is one that is ultimately depressing. "And it just really makes me sad. Because I could like, I could not fathom. I could not fathom showing up empty-handed and I could not fathom someone being in my house for more than 30 seconds without me offering them something to drink."

She concluded her video by asking other TikTok users who saw her video whether or not they think she's expecting too much. "I don't know. You guys let me know what you think."

It seems like there were plenty of other people who understood exactly where she was coming from.

One person wrote that they went to a house party once where the host only ordered food for themselves. "Went to a party once, no food. few hours later we caught hosts and some friends eating pizza in one of the rooms. they ordered food for just themselves. We were speechless."

Someone else said that even when they didn't have money they always thought of something to bring to a person's house. "Even when I was broke and 19 in NYC, I’d bring a bottle of lemonade, a store bought dessert, and small bouquet of flowers anytime I went to someone’s apartment."

Another agreed: "It’s etiquette! General etiquette has gone away."

Someone else wrote that they were aghast to see how some hosts send people dollar amount breakdowns for what it costs to host a gathering for people at their abode.

"Some people even send a mass text giving you the $$$ to be split evenly for the cost of everything for the gathering. Maybe we shouldn’t be hosting if we need to have our guest pay to come over."