How Can Pete Hegseth Handle the Department of Defense When He Can't Handle His Own Sideburns?

When it comes to impeccable sideburns, a couple of men come to mind. In the 1970s, a resurgence of impressive facial hair took the world by storm. That's when Elvis Presley was sporting a set of sideburns that had us all shook up. Two decades later, a bad boy on a show geared towards teenagers would once again thrust these whiskers back into the spotlight. Women of a certain age will never forget the first time they saw Luke Perry as Dylan McKay in Beverly Hills 90210. Everyone wanted that hair.

All things in life are cyclical, and that includes facial hair, though sideburns appear to be somewhat consistent. Beards and mustaches may come and go, but sideburns are omnipresent. The only thing that appears to change is the length of one's mutton chops. Surely the management of one's sideburns can't be too difficult, unless you're Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth. Something was a bit off with his whiskers at the 2025 White House Easter Egg Roll.

Almost every year since 1878, regardless of who is president, the White House has an Easter Egg Roll that inevitably involves someone dressing up as a slightly terrifying Easter Bunny. Even though 2025 isn't feeling too great, emotionally, we still gotta find those eggs. According to NPR, this dates back to the presidency of Rutherford B. Hayes and has only been skipped during times of war or food shortage.

Everyone was on hand for the celebrated, candy-filled event, hosted by President Trump and the first lady. One member of the president's cabinet made a really big splash when he spoke to the media about the latest controversy. A less than shocking investigation by The Washington Post revealed that Hegseth started a second Signal chat. This was similar to the first in that it discussed a bombing campaign in Yemen, but this time the group included his wife and brother, a personal lawyer.

While speaking with the press on the White House South Lawn, it was clear that Hegseth was maybe going through some things. The Secretary of Defense was asked about the second Signal chat controversy, about which he said the accusations were lies. He promptly blamed the whole thing on a "bunch of leakers" who were fired, which resulted in a few "hit pieces." As Hegseth turned his head, it looked like his left sideburn had been shaved more than his right. Perhaps he was distracted that morning.

Several people on social media commented on Hegseth's lone sideburn, with some suggesting he was doing a bit of drunk shaving. Perhaps @LouBiffo got it right when they posted to X, joking that, "Pete Hegseth went out in public, on Easter, with a single sideburn. Ladies and gentlemen, the current administration in a visual representation."

An unnamed U.S. official told NPR that following the second Signal snafu, the White House has begun looking for Hegseth's replacement. In response to this, White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt posted on X that this was "FAKE NEWS," adding that the president "stands strongly behind Hegseth." Still, wouldn't it be funny if Hegseth was actually fired because of his lack of shaving prowess?