“This Will Spiral” — Woman Refuses to Wrap Birthday Gift for Fiancé’s Mom, Details Why

Studies have shown that in heterosexual relationship dynamics, men usually benefit more from being married than women. Mostly because there are a lot of life tasks that ultimately are relegated to the woman in the relationship. Things such as party planning and getting a home or venue ready for gatherings, this usually rests on a woman's shoulders.

There have been social media posts, too, by folks who talk about their own relationships, like this one Reddit user, who said that they have a specific arrangement with their significant other. This arrangement ensures that they aren't expected to take care of their respective family members when it comes to gift buying, etc..

And it would appear that a TikToker named Courtney (@cd._.ve) wants the same type of set-up with her fiancé as well. She posted a viral video on the social media platform that's accrued over 339,000 views where she echoes similar concerns as the above-linked Reddit user.

"OK I have to tell somebody this and I don't have anyone else to tell so I'm just gonna tell TikTok. Basically, my fiancé and I just moved in together and I'm really excited about that."

From the tone of her voice, one could assume that there was a caveat attached to that statement and she starts to get into it.

Courtney also added that she fears him relying on her to take care of more "mundane" tasks may ultimately make him a lazier version of himself.

"But it's really important to me that I don't become the default for everything in this house. Or with the children in the future. Or just make him a lazier version of himself because I do things for him all the time and then it turns out he won't do basic things like take care of children and clean the house in the next five years."

She goes on to delineate a particular situation where a request of his could've snowballed into the type of relationship dynamic that she fears of having with her fiancé down the line. "So anyway, this morning he asked me if I would wrap his mother's birthday present. To which I said no. He looked at me like, 'No?'" The way she says "no" indicates that he was surprised and maybe even a bit appalled she wouldn't do this favor for him.

"But you're better at wrapping, you're better than me at wrapping. It would look better if you did it." He explained, before she went on say, "And I could tell that he was really upset about it, but I just feel like I need to set a precedent so that I'm not taken advantage of to then buy his mom's present. Think of what to get her for Christmas, for holidays, then to wrap it. Then for the kids too, for the dog. All these things it just turns into a spiraling situation that I don't want to be a part of."

She said that she was more than happy to share her wrapping supplies so that he could do the deed himself. "So I do have a box of wrapping paper and supplies with scissors and tape that I did give to him. And he was a little upset about it, kind of huffed and puffed while he did it. And told me that if I did it would have looked better."

Courtney went on to explain her stance, "And I just feel like I gentle parented him to say, 'No, it looks great, you did amazing.' And I'm sure there's going to be men in my comments saying, 'Oh well you should just take care of your fiancé. And you should just do this and you should just do that.' But then I also feel like I'll have women in my comments saying, 'No, you did the right thing.'"

The TikToker continued, "This will spiral. I've heard it from so many women who have been married for years. I've heard it from my grandparents. I've heard it from people here on TikTok. If I start doing things like that for him now, it'll never end."

At the end of her clip she asked other users on the application what they thought of her decision. "Is that the right thing to do or no?" she queried.

It seemed that there were several other users on the application who supported Courtney's stance.

"He's checking your boundaries and he's annoyed that you pushed back. Be very aware of his behaviour over the next few months because it's already started!" one person penned.

Another remarked that they weren't naturally good at anything but that they are sure to tell others that they can become better with practice.

"I always say 'I'm good at this task because I've done it. you can learn to be good by experience.'"

Someone else shared their home dynamic growing up and how it prepped them for an equitable sharing of responsibilities. "My mom made us make a trade of labor. You want me to wrap the present? OK, you go fold the laundry and empty the dishwasher while I do this task for you. Because that’s what I was about to do."

Someone else penned: "This is just the start. Please be wise, use this as an evaluation time. If this is a consistent response, reconsider your decision to marry him."

While another echoed: "Nope. That’s how it starts. Set those boundaries now."

What do you think?