This '90's Disney Retro Line Will Destroy Your Bank Account

If you grew up in the '90s, then you know just how big a deal any Disney animated release was. The movies were such mega-successes, the monolithic entertainment empire can churn out live-action remakes of these classic films that, for the most part, suck, and still make billions of dollars in ticket sales and merchandise.

This is the power of '90s Disney movies, and millennials are absolutely obsessed with them. Even the kids who pretended to hate these movies were obsessed with professing how "anti-Disney" they were, so it's basically the same thing.

The problem with a lot of merchandise that comes out in time for a film's release is that it's rushed to market. Therefore, it isn't really the highest quality.

Shoutout to all the kids who rocked a pair of whack sneakers rocking their favorite cartoon characters on them: you were duped like the rest of us. 

But then there are times when, years after the fact, a clothing line will do a "nostalgia" release of clothing, stationery, home goods, and all other sorts of necessary  products with thoughtful designs. They're great products first and cash grabs capitalizing on a film release second.

Which is probably why the Disney Store's new line of '90s-themed Disney movie products looks so darn good. They partnered up with Oh My Disney to create some of the coolest stuff I've seen in a long, long, time. Seriously, even if you don't like Disney-themed stuff (hater), you have to admit these are awesome.

OK, so I'm a little salty that this Hercules pajama set is only available in women's sizes, because I'd totally rock one of these. It's nice to see them repping some sleepwear for arguably the most underrated Disney animated movie ever. Hercules had the best soundtrack of the '90s, period. This bad boy will only cost you $26.95. A small price to play for sleeping like a Demigod. Check out that Grecian urn pattern on the pants, too. Classic.

Or maybe you were a '90s kid who was obsessed with A Goofy Movie. Hey, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I, too, rewatched the Powerline performance at the beginning of the film about a thousand times, constantly rewinding the VHS over and over again. Get this Max pullover for $29.95 to flaunt your appreciation for the Goof Troop.

Are you one of those weirdos who still decides to take notes in an actual journal instead of the app on your phone? Well you're in luck, because these ledgers that look like old-school VHS cases has combined your passion for utensil-writing and '90s Disney films into one.

The best part? The first page of the book looks like the VHS that corresponds to the title you purchased.

Like the movie Aladdin? How about denim clothing decked out in patches? Then you're going to love this "jean-ie" (get it?!) jacket that has a fat old magic carpet patch on the back, complete with little tassels. The Genie patch on the front has the exact expression people will have when they see you rocking this awesome item. This beauty will cost you $59.95.

Every person should start their day ready to tackle it like a hero, or maybe a high-functioning villain. I mean it's your life — I'm not here to tell you how to go about it. But what I can tell you is that these Hercules and Hades mugs are absolutely gorgeous, but you can only get them in a two-piece set that'll run you $24.95.

Sometimes, all you need is a simple graphic tee, and this Beauty and the Beast one is absolutely perfect in every way. The image, which is on the VHS cover art is the right amount of cheese, and kind of has a dollar store Virgin Mary candle vibe going for it, which makes it well worth its $26.95 asking price, in my opinion.

I'm really digging all of the Hercules love this collection is getting, and this pin set is hitting all of the right notes because of the love that's being shown to the film's supporting characters. Phil? Pegasus? Pain and Panic? Yep they're all there. Plus, a pin that looks like a VHS box? Amazing, and it costs $16.95.

Does this shirt look like a kids' shirt? Absolutely, but not a cheap, ironed-on cartoon character kids' shirt. It looks like an upscale, boutique item that the little boys and girls who live in the quaint part of the town wear, only with distinctly Lion King colors and a touch of character love up front. $26.95.

We need to discuss this clock. Young Simba, Timon, and Pumba move in time with the minute hand. You've got Pride Rock in the back. You've got an adult Simba and Nala snuggling on there as well, looking perfectly content about their place in the circle of life. But it's also meta too, you know? The passage of time? And the fact that a clock moves in a circle? And there's the child Simba on the clock along with his older self? I mean, the amount of metaphysical conceits on this bad boy are incredible, and at $16.95, I'd call that a bargain.

So you went and got one of those VHS journals, didn't you? Well you're gonna want a pen to go with them, and what pen is better than those multi-ballpoint ones? None, that's the answer. Don't even try to convince me that you weren't one of the coolest kids in class for having one of those bad boys in your utensil pouch. Now you can relive that magic, with a '90s Disney touch. They'll run you $6.95 each from the Disney or Oh My Disney stores.

I loved "mystery pouch" toys as a kid. Sure, they were an obvious cash grab because you'd keep on spending mommy and daddy's money in an attempt to "collect them all" but the excitement of opening a bag or box, not knowing you would get was the closest thing I got to playing roulette as a child - and I liked it. Feel that same feeling all over again with these Disney Mystery VHS Keychains. You'll never know which one you'll get, and there are two other mystery movies not pictured here, so happy hunting :) $5.00 each.

You wanna drink like Gaston? Why not do it in these Beauty and the Beast glasses? The set comes with four 16-ounce glasses and you can rep your favorite characters from the movie. Sorry, the wardrobe isn't featured on it, but you've got the pride of France flexing on a cup, so why would you even bother drinking out of the others? $20.

Three words: Disney. VHS. Clutch. That's right. It's a purse that looks like a VHS box for a Disney movie. If there was ever was time it was socially acceptable for men to rock purses, this would be it. $24.95.

As awesome as this newest collection is, I have to say I'm a little upset because I know my bank account is going to suffer heavily for it. Oh well, at least I can drown my sorrows in the mountain of Disney swag I'm about to be swimming in. Eat it, fiscal responsibility.